Do You Challenge Change or Go With The Flow?
This is a season of change - not only in our outside lives but also in our inner world. Are you intentional about how you are navigating your life?
How I Viewed Changes in My Life
The leaves are starting to change colour in my neck of the woods. It is not a full-blown colour change, but there are pockets of yellows, oranges and some reds. The berth on my couch is a perfect place to watch the season change, and I enjoy every moment.
I confess … I used to be very resistant to the idea that summer was over and fall was upon us, which meant the challenges of winter were closing in. It felt constricting and claustrophobic. I was unhappy about everything, and I am sure I spread my misery far and wide. This is an example of an unhelpful loop I put myself in.
When I started thinking about how to enjoy the season, I discovered things I liked about the changes. And that is an example of creating steps on a ladder to get out of an unhelpful loop. And the dread I felt about what was coming next just dissipated. I could relax, enjoy nature’s scenery, and go with the flow. Being in the moment and changing my outlook to a more intentional, positive view significantly impacted my enjoyment and stress level.
How We Deal with Change Makes a Difference
The changing of the seasons is an example of a change from the outside. We have no control over it, but we do have a say in how we deal with it. We will be miserable if we resist the changing season, choose to be grumpy about it, or rail and thrash and nash our teeth because we don’t like autumn and winter. Things will feel loopy, and we may have to see the dentist.
Remember, it is our right to feel our ‘feels.’ And it is, in fact, healthy to be aware of how we think. Our emotions are critical indicators that let us know we are in sync with who we are. They are also signposts to show us when we may be off course. If we do not feel good about the change and how we deal with it, there may be another way.
There are All Kinds of Changes in Our Life
Changes that are brought about by external influences:
There are so many changes that are instigated by outside forces:
A department at work is restructured, and we have no say. Our job becomes redundant.
Our lover leaves us.
A severe illness befalls someone close to us.
We have a fall and break our arm.
A hurricane - such as Fiona - causes so much property damage and knocks us on our keester.
Noisy neighbours move in next door.
Those changes are on the negative side of the equation.
But positive changes that come from the outside can also be challenging to deal with:
We are offered a huge promotion that requires a move to a new city.
Our partner is offered an advancement that requires relocation to a new country.
We win a lottery.
A friend asks us to accompany them on a world tour.
Changes that are brought about because of our wants and desires:
We got a puppy.
We decide to change jobs or change careers.
We chose to go back to school.
We leave a lover.
We move apartments, houses, towns, cities or countries.
We cut our hair and let the grey shine through.
You get the idea.
Learning to Manage Change
Effectively managing change is one of those skills that serve us well. It helps us be more intentional in what our choices would be. Living more intentionally means we make better decisions and are happier with the results.
But it has to be acknowledged that whether a change is our choice or out of our hands and whether it is a large, medium or small change, it takes time to process it and settle into our new way of being.
Areas of Our Being that are Affected When Change Happens
Our Emotional Body
It doesn’t matter what kind of change we face because change always affects our emotions. We may cry, laugh, shout or go around with huge grins. Consider the silliness we display when we fall in love, for example. Inwardly, we may feel stress or deep sadness, grief, anger, helplessness or even depression. There may be an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. Labelling our emotions and feeling whatever we feel without judgment is good practice.
Those emotions give us valuable information about the importance of the change we are adjusting to. I once read a book by Susan Jeffers called “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.” It was enormously helpful in my life. And it may not seem like it, but emotions do come and go, and with time, they settle down. And the process is more straightforward if we don't deny them and we don’t fight against them. It may hurt at times, but feeling those emotions and giving them space to be and express themselves is the best way to process them and allow us to move on.
Our Physical Body
Change can take a significant toll on our bodies. Adrenaline may be running extremely high for a while. Our appetites may be out of whack, and we want to eat an elephant, or we eat like a bird. Our hormones may be going through massive changes. Our eyes and faces could be puffy and red from all the tears. We may hardly sleep, or sleeping is all we want to do.
At these times, we must stick to habits supporting our physical selves as we cope with the change. Eating healthy foods and having a healthy sleep schedule is essential. Exercise, getting out in nature and breathing the fresh air can also be extremely helpful. Giving ourselves a distraction, like getting out on a road trip, may help restore us to a better balance.
Our Mental Energy Body
Going through change or anticipating the changes can take a huge mental toll. Our thoughts go round and round as we try to problem-solve. Or we may get stuck in mind loops and need to know which way is up or down or how to get out of this situation we find ourselves in. And all that thinking taxes our physical energy resources.
Getting out of mind loops, finding ladders to help us move up and on, and having processes to help us make good decisions for ourselves are a huge focus of my blogs. But making lists and doing major journaling helped me sort through the upheaval of all my moves and the significant changes in my life.
Our Social Support
In a way, our social lives and relationships are the most confusing areas to navigate during change. People in our lives may question us and the decisions we are making. Or they may need help understanding the confused and emotional creature we are during the initial phases of the change. They may need to learn how to approach us or support us.
It is crucial to find kind, loving people we can turn to for support and as a sounding board for ideas that would be helpful for us to gain clarity. It is also critical not to give our power away to someone else. A barista may be a person we turn to. Or a therapist. Or a long-lost cousin. Please acknowledge that we need trusty and trustworthy support as we navigate the changes in our lives. This is essential.
To the Naysayers …
Someone might try to whisper that women over 55 cannot handle making significant changes in their lives. They maintain that they cannot thrive. Banish those people from being anywhere near your ears!
I want to point you to a wonderfully uplifting article published in The Washington Post entitled: “Changing Channels.” Eight contributing writers told the stories of eight incredible women. These women waited years and years to know who they were and had success in dramatically changing their lives.
Their early and subsequent lives were heavily influenced by circumstances or what people told them. That makes me sad. Please take the time to read their stories - especially when you need some motivation and/or are questioning a decision to change things up and fulfill a personal dream.
How are you Managing Change in Your Life?
I would like to repeatedly repeat the theme of intentionally making important life decisions. I am not talking about being rigid. Nor am I talking about ignoring the fun and soul-charging joy of being spontaneous. However, developing processes and systems to support us and acquiring tools to put in our toolboxes will serve us well. We can learn to be the captains of our ship and sail through the choppy waters of change with skill and joy. Feeling in control and surfing the waves is an exhilarating experience. Let’s do it together.
A Challenge for You:
Think about a change that you went through recently. It could have been a big or small change.
Try to list or represent in some way the decision points you made along the way. Were they good decisions or not-so-good decisions? What influenced those decisions?
Jot down some strategies you could use during an upcoming change that would maximize your results and help you easily navigate that change.
Please consider sharing a link to this blog or site with people you know who could use it and/or pass it on to others. Also, please share your thoughts with me. And … I would be appreciative of a coffee and croissant.
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