Emotional mind loops and leave us feeling all tangled up just like this tangled ribbon of a cassette tape. — Negative thoughts create emotional mind loops.

We can recognize them and let them go so we can create solutions.

A Huge Realization - Preamble

Out of frustration comes learning. I am grateful. Life lessons are there for the taking; I was ready for a huge life lesson yesterday. Let me set the scene.

I moved to this apartment over a year ago. There are many things I like about it. For example, the view from my living room is soothing. I look at a bit of forest, and I feel immersed in nature. It is beneficial for my soul and my healing.

My apartment is heated by a hot water heating system that is a more gentle kind of heat, and I don’t have to pay for it directly, and I thank the universe for that. But this heating system has been a source of frustration for me. It is very noisy - with loud bangs and other sounds that sometimes startle Roger, my cat, and me. They seem louder at night and happen in my bedroom, where my heating pipes start. As a result, my sleep has been affected.

Last year, not long after moving in, the heating system for my unit broke. The transformer dedicated to this unit blew. Additionally, I needed a new thermostat and new boxes. The transformer and the thermostat were replaced in the first round of repairs. But the thermostat was not hooked up to my heating system.

So, although I did have heat, I had to wait for two months for the second round of repairs, where pipes had to be cut, new boxes had to be installed at either end of my unit, and the thermostat had to be hooked up so it could ‘talk’ to the boxes. The plumber, Peter, was busy helping others with their more urgent heating and plumbing issues.

It was beginning to be the tail end of COVID-19, and there was a shortage of skilled labour. And things are done a little differently here in Nova Scotia.

The heat poured through those pipes for those two months, and I had no control over it. Finally, the suggestion was made to regulate my ambient temperature by opening windows - in the middle of a Nova Scotian winter, But at least I did not have the bangs and loud noises.

When things were righted, I mentioned the noises, just as I had mentioned them when I had moved in and was told they were just part of the everyday noises such a system makes. Again, I pointed out that my heating seemed weak and, perhaps, the pipes had to be bled to let the air out. But again, my observations and ideas were met with skepticism.

We had a brutal storm this past weekend - extreme cold and wind. It was severe, and it was scary. My heating system could not keep up with what I asked it to do.

When the storm left, and the system still was not working correctly, I contacted the property manager, who came in and jigged a few things, and … well, I was not satisfied with what was happening.

Negative Mental Mind Loops

I am reluctant to say that I have gone into loops and spirals in my mind over the noise issue and the system's weak response. Thoughts such as:

Why am I not being heard?
Why can’t I get this fixed properly?
Do I deserve a properly functioning heating system?
Should I even bother the property manager?
I am not being heard. (Repeat.)

This is not a pretty side of me. Nor is this a side of me I am proud of. When things happen, and I get frustrated, all sorts of negative thoughts go through my mind that goes back to messages I heard long ago. And believe me, I am downplaying the negative mind loops that have contorted my thinking in unhelpful and damaging ways. They come from a place of insecurity.

What also keeps me in negative mind loops is that when I get my back up, I tend to want to prove that I know all and, of course, that I am right. That gets in the way of goodwill, collaboration and quick problem-solving. And it creates negative vibes. Is that what I want?

Also, negative mind loops are stressful. And when we experience stress, the emotional centres of our brains are affected. And when that happens, we cannot think clearly and find solutions to problems before us. But on the other hand, calm emotions produce happy thoughts, and life seems more manageable.

A Ladder of Growth

Yesterday, I realized that I could change my whole way of thinking and that realization will change my life. I felt my emotions very clearly. Frustration. Anger. Anxiety. Fear. Impotence. That is a new experience for me. And I could also clearly see the thoughts that were causing those emotions. This experience was unlike any I had ever had before.

And I realized those thoughts and emotions did not help me find a solution to the problem of getting a weak, inefficient and noisy system fixed. And they were contributing to a very unhappy me and negatively affecting other parts of my life. They also blocked efforts to experience a positive collaborative relationship with my property manager and her team of experts. Again, this is because things were so tangled up.

Yesterday, I could see a path forward, and I could also see simple solutions. I realized that I could just let those negative thoughts and emotions go. This was the first step. Just let them go. I visualized them falling from my hand. Honestly, it felt like a miracle to be able to do that.

On the heels of that experience, I realized I could try to find solutions. For example, I could record the loud banging noise and send the audio file to my property manager so that she could hear what I was talking about and have hard evidence to share with her team. She must know that the loud bangs happen when the thermostat cycles off and appear to be a mechanical issue - not just dust in the fins.

I could get data for her on how long it takes to raise the temperature from my nighttime setting to my daytime preference. And respectfully, I could find an article or YouTube video on the idea of air in the system, bleeding it out for more efficiency, and sending it to her. I realize she is new at her job and has a steep learning curve.

I don’t know how these efforts will help create solutions to my heating issues. But they will help me feel more proactive and positive. And then, after I do all I think I can do in a caring and compassionate way, I must learn to let it go. Doing that is my real work. I do not wish to stay in this negative mind loop continually.

There are other mind loops to identify and steps to navigate to climb out of them. Such is the work of growing up the ladder of life.

Further Reading

From Conscious Leadership Group: “The Cognitive Emotive Loop … .” A Great explainer and a perfect example.
From Markoo.com: “Thought Loops: How to Master Them in 5 Steps.” This is a great post and explainer. The diagrams are helpful. A thorough explainer.
From Chris: “Life Can Be Loopy - So Begin Again.”

A Challenge for You:

Identify a negative mind loop you have been tangled up in. Jot it down on a piece of paper, look at it, and see it for what it is - thoughts and emotions looping around and getting tangled up in a mess.
Just let the negative stuff go. It is from your past life. Now, you are intentionally creating a better, simpler, easier life.
Become solution-oriented. There is always a way out of a tangled mess. Look for the bits to start unravelling the knots. Be gentle. Find ways for positive collaboration - with your inner self and with others. Identify the following steps to take.
Feel the personal power of learning to live your life intentionally and celebrate the victories big and small!

Please consider sharing a link to this blog or site with people you know who could use it and/or pass it on to others. Also, please share your thoughts with me. And … I would be appreciative of a coffee and croissant.

Coffee and Croissant for Chris

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